I Have Only Had Sex 3 Times

I tout myself as a sexpert among friends.

People come to me for advice and I give it, animatedly and excitedly. I laugh and joke and reference non-existent men, "He was only this big!".

But I have only had sex 3 times. All in one night. With one man.

Since that sexual encounter I have almost had sex several times, but dysfunctions on my part prevent that from happening.

We will be kissing, almost becoming intimate, and then it all comes to a screeching halt as my mind begins to chatter in a panic stricken manner.

"What if he has herpes? Condoms don't always work! What would my religious parents think? Oh, I should visit them this weekend....do I look fat in this position? His breath smells bad...and he has bacne at 30. I need to get out of here NOW"

All of a sudden I enter panic-mode, where I MUST leave at all costs. I scramble into sitting position, re-dress, and leave, a stream of apologies, lies, and excuses like fire pouring out of my mouth.

And even my best friend thinks I have had a lot of sex.

When people invite me out on weekends, 50% of the time I go out, and 50% of the time I brag, "Ah, can't, I have a date" and I give a mischievous smile as though it validates my date and the fact that I might have sex.

Why does lying come so much more easily than the truth? I am at a point in life where I can never stop living this lie, and that terrifies me.

I am tired of being someone else. I am tired of being 1,000 someone elses.

I'm stuck. If I do meet a man I want to marry, how can I raise my children? How can I look them in the eyes and tell them that lying is wrong?

I am a sick hypocrite and while I sit at this computer typing, I've become disgusted with myself.

Advice?