G-O-D

Try as I may to scoff at religion, I envy those who have faith in something.

Really, I do.

It's funny to laugh at the idea of a higher power over cocktails, but alone, in bed, at night? I want a god. I want to say to worrying friends Don't worry, god has a plan!, but I can't bring myself to say that.

It's a lie.

Where is this alleged higher power when people go to war, die of cancer, or even me, when I feel this unhappy all of the time? Where is he/she/it when I cry myself to sleep, alone in bed?

I feel a certain hollowness that I think faith could fill. But how? I tried Yahoo! Answers and all I found were austere religious people, each trying to "sell" their book, their organization, their club.

I don't want to attend a church, mosque, temple, or any other building full of strangers trying to absolve their sins.

I just want to feel full, happy, satiated with life. It's like I'm a faith-er-exic--a faith starved individual, a condition brought on by myself.

I constantly feel jaded and emotionally drained, as though I just resolved a huge fight with a loved one.

How do YOU believe? Where is YOUR faith?

How can I be that way?

I need a sign, something to tell me there is something bigger than this.

Because really, if we are the highest level of intelligence in the Universe, then I am sorely disappointed and I WANT OUT!