Summer in the South

I am spending my summer in the south and I already hate it.

After being laid off, I have done a lot of soul-searching.

Not.

What I have really done is unfun and uncool.

I am watching re-runs. I wish my life was a sitcom.

I could pretend to suppress a giggle while the laugh track plays on.

I want my summers to be filled with me in a bikini top and short shorts, a la Katy Perry's new single, California Gurls

The closest I will get is me in a bikini top at my grandmother's pool, cursing myself for that piece of cake I had last weekend at the barbeque, where I ate my emotions instead of flirting with the cute shirtless men. I then proceed to get mad at myself for getting mad at myself, then get sad because I cannot control my emotions, and then the day ends with me in gasping tears, the ugly kind, curled up in the fetal position and convincing myself not to get plastic surgery.

Better stick with a turtleneck.