Do You Recognize Her?

Today at work I bonded with a woman who I thought was my hero.

She is 34, I'm 25.

We began the day talking about relationships, how we both found it difficult to get close with men.

As we got further into our discussion, we got to know each other a little better.

She said she hated spooning. Me too.

She hates holding hands. Me too.

She hates cuddling. Me too!

Then she said that she'd been in love once before.

She told me that she'd been in love when she was 25, but she'd ruined it. She said, "I think we're the type of self-destructive women who are never meant to be in love."

What?

I came back and read my past blogs.

When did I become so self destructive?

What am I doing? I can only blame myself, right?

How do I end this cycle? Is everyone else this self-aware? And then, is everyone else this depressed when they see themselves for the first time?

I look in the mirror and see someone I no longer recognize.

Who is she?

Do you recognize her?