Imagine My Own Tragedies

Sometimes I wish something horribly tragic happened in my childhood so that I'd have an excuse to feel this way.

You know what I mean.

Well paying job in a sucky job market, nice apartment, extra spending money, and yet there's a hole.

I feel like throughout my entire life (albeit that's only 24 years) I have been waiting for something, someone to shake me out of it.

No one's here yet.

Sometimes I pretend that I am a surviving rape victim, wounded both emotionally and physically by some jarring and violent crime.

I rent maudlin movies with scenes created just to make the audience cry, all so that I have an excuse to sob. I don't sob for the characters in the movie, I sob for myself in the theater, I spill tears, haunted by memories of the happy person that I used to be.

I don't think I'm depressed, I think I'm realistic.

I have no tragedy. My empty sadness is my tragedy.